NEW MATERIAL: Dog Facts #1--Your Dog WILL Roll in IT. Fact.

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA

{Editor Marco's Note: Dear Readers: Here is a SAMPLE from my new web site! This is FRESH S***!! A new Deposit! Enjoy!}

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Dog Facts #1--Your Dog WILL Roll in IT. Fact.

Your dog WILL roll in the stinkiest substance available on planet earth, then come home and happily jump into your lap. Fact.

Yes it is one of the immutable laws of the universe...the stinkier the outcome, the more certain you can be that your dog will be deeply, happily involved. Somehow. Some way. For sure. Fact.

It may be the rotting carcass of a deer your happy little pooch will find in the woods. And like a little boy happily bringing home poison-ivy flowers to his momma, your sweet dog will cheerfully, and with great energy roll around inside the stinky guts of said deer for the express purpose of bringing that stinky joy home to share with his most beloved keeper....YOU!

What ARE they thinking when they do this? If we try to peer into their little minds, it is almost as if they go beside themselves with joy at discovering the delightfully stinky "gift" to share with us. I guess it smells soooooooooooooo wonderfully good to them, that they just can't conceive that it would not smell so wonderful to us, too.

You can just see them, happily trotting along, minding everybody else's business, sniffing here, sniffing there..."Ooooo, I see Big John's been here..." he thinks to himself at he sniffs at the leavings of Big John's pee on the fence post. "OH and Missy Frenchie left a special message for me HERE, too! Hubba hubba, SHE's a hot momma!"

And then, the big event of the day, he catches a whiff of that rotting deer off in the woods... "sniff...SNIFF...SNIFFFFFF!!!! MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT FANTASTIC SMELL???" He stops cold, stiffly sniffing the air...hot little bubbles of excitement fill his little brain. "Oooooooo, THAT smells GOOD!"

And catching the direction, he takes off like a shot into the woods, locates the rot, and with a burst of great joy leaps deep into it's smelly depths, rolling back and forth for sheer joy! "Ooooooo, momma will be soooo happy I brought this home to her! It will really make her house smell gooooood!" The poor thing doesn't have a backpack so the only way he can bring home the joy is to cover himself in it from head to toe!

This reminds me of a cartoon I saw one time from The Far Side by Gary Larson. It showed a boy-dog picking up Lulu, his girl-dog date at her home. You can see the stink-rays emanating from Lulu...and the boy dog pays her the ultimate compliment by saying to his date.. "Mmmm Lulu, whatever you rolled in sure does stink!"

The ultimate dog-compliment.

What is funny about all this is to realize that they really do mean well! They aren't thinking "Oh what can I do to REALLY mess up mommy's day?!!" To the contrary, they are trying to be a blessing to us...trying to bring us a special gift.

In cats, we find this same behavior when they bring us a dead mouse. I remember one time, when my then-wife burst into tears over something...and our little tabby cat lept down from the sofa, ran out the doggie door, returned 10 minutes later and laid a fresh dead mouse at her feet as a "present." The darling little cat was trying to cheer her up! She brought the dead mouse as a gift!

So it is when our dogs roll in something really hideous. They are trying to cheer us up. In their innocence it just does not occur to them that this--to them--delightful bit of rotting deer carcass will just not be the total fashion statement in our living room that they feel it SHOULD be.

Se la vie, life with dogs...you just gotta love em! And despite these stinky surprises, I DO love my stinky, funny dogs!

--Marco
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