Security Work in Second Life: Outrageous Stories from Dance Clubs

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA

{Editor Marco's Note: Dear Readers: I am hard at work building a new commercial website for my funny articles. It will be free, like this one. Not only will it contain my Second Life humor, but funny articles about a variety of other topics. It should be ready by July 1st. Meanwhile, I am reposting some of my older articles.}
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Security Work in Second Life: Outrageous Stories from Dance Clubs

I used-to work as a Security Officer (SO) at the largest 24/7 techno/trance dance club in Second Life--Dance Island--for many months.

Oftentimes, noobies will ask, "Are you serious? SECURITY OFFICERS in a cartoon world? What need could there possibly be for security?"

Ha! The need for security in this so-called Cartoon World is just as great here, as in RL, maybe even more so. More so, for sure, because many noobs tend to go wild when they first come here, knowing they are not really accountable. Or so they think--at first. They soon find out that they ARE accountable.

The SOs have several things they can do to make them accountable, ranging from "freezing" them so that they can't move OR "Ejecting" them from the dance floor; also known affectionately as being "Kicked" or "Booted"..... OR the SOs can "Ban" the avie from returning to the club.

And why do they bother? Simply put, they do it in order to make the club a SAFE and FUN place for everyone to hang out and dance. Maybe THAT is one reason why Dance Island consistently appears in the Top Twenty Most Popular Places in Second Life.

So for this article, I will share some of the crazy situations that have come up while I worked Security at Dance Island. I have changed all names to protect the guilty. Some of these conversations are scary beyond belief, and others are just plain funny. All of them are real. They really happened.

~~~

Long ago when I myself was a noob--before I started working at Dance Island--I witnessed this incident there. I will never forget it.

I was dancing with a cluster of folks, and a little ways away, a very pretty girl was dancing alone. Suddenly, this guy walks up to her, and pulls out this HUGE pecker. You know the type, these graphic peckers that are 10 feet long....bigger than the guy's whole darn body.

And he says to her, in open chat, "You are so beautiful honey, I want to take you into the bathroom and spank you with this!"

Hmmmm....did it work? Did he get a date? Sorta...he got a date with outerspace! Our Security gal, BONITA Dagostino booted him into orbit faster than you could say, "Zip-It-Up, Mac!"

I was sooo impressed. Right then and there I decided I wanted to be a Dance Island SO too! A month later, I became a Host and Security Officer at Dance Island. I will always be gratefurl to Deirdre Masala and Anita Koenkamp for giving me my first job in SL (You two are the best! --Marco)

~~~

The scariest incident that ever occurred to me--after I became an SO--is described in the following conversation. The hairs on the back of my neck still curl when I read this passage. This guy had been sexually harassing a female patron. She complained to me and I reread the Open Chat Log. I could not believe what I read, and banned his butt faster than you could say "jack sprat".

[2:12] OB: u better watch wut the f**** flys out of your mouth or I'm gonna hijack a plane and fly it into your house, burn your apartment with your family tied to the couch and slit your throat so when u scream only blood comes out.

[2:23] Marco: Security here...I have banned you from Dance Island for your comment in open chat..Have a nice day...but please do not ever come back to Dance Island.

[2:26] BC: u heard him too then. he a nasty piece of work
[2:26] Marco: yes...I was really shocked by his comment.
[2:26] Marco: He is gone.
[2:27] BC: he was doin them over here. n i was havin a go in chat. tellin e is sick....
[2:27] Marco: I have heard many things in open chat,....but that was the very worst....it is scary that people like that exist.
[2:27] BC: yup

For my money, I would vote this guy most likely to become a serial killer when he grows up.


Another time, as a new security officer, I got into a bit of an argument with this nitwit. He came through the door at our dance club, nude, waving a huge 3' wooden-looking cock around at the ladies, before walking out the front door. I hunted him down and caught up with him at the far end of our island on the outside dance pad...still waving his cock around:

[4:21] Marco: Security here LA
[4:21] Marco: please dress or leave
[4:22] LA: could u s*** my dick first ?
[4:22] LA: slut

I ejected him.

[4:22] Marco: If you come back like that you will be banned
[4:22] LA: stfu n00b
[4:24] Marco: yes...but I am a NOOB with authority.
[4:24] Marco: have a nice day.
[4:24] Marco: :)
[4:24] LA: STFU !!!!
[4:24] Marco: ha ha..
[4:25] Marco: you need to learn how to act civilized in a civil place.
[4:25] LA: u need to STFU
[4:25] Marco: hoo boy...you can swear...does that make you a man?
[4:25] LA: no my dick does, pussy

[4:26] Marco: ho ho...
[4:26] Marco: you are too funny.
[4:26] Marco: you need to buy a professional cock from Xcite
[4:27] Marco: not that pathetic thing you have glued to your pelvis.
[4:27] LA: like it matters to you, you would s*** them all if you could

[4:27] Marco: eeeeeewwwww....NOW you have me realllllllly scared!
[4:28] Marco: "Da widdle boy is swearing at me." ooooooooo I am scared
[4:28] LA: omg ur such a no-life loser
[4:28] Marco: ha ha
[4:28] Marco: have a nice day, widdle boy
[4:28] LA: stfu
[4:28] Marco: ha ha

[4:29] Marco: please come back so I can laugh at that pathetic stick you call a cock...some more!
[4:29] LA: u want it in ur mouth ?
[4:30] Marco: come back and show me your stuff widdle boy

[4:39] "Marco: Thank you for giving me the supreme satisfaction of ejecting and banning you from Dance Island. --Marco, Security."

~~~

Here's another along the same lines: I ejected and banned ML for sexually harassing numerous female guests, with foul sexual language.

[17:19] ML: wanna go f****?
[17:19] AA: not really
[17:19] ML: why not?
[17:19] AA: coz i got a good lookin man
[17:20] ML: you know you like it you dirty ho
[17:20] AA: scus u ??
[17:20] AA: eww ya dork move
[17:20] AD: ignore him ....LOL

[17:21] ML: what....it's not my fault that in real life you are an ugly f**** with nasty zits on your clit
[17:21] AA: hehhehe u wish u hd a gurl like me in r.l

I ejected him

[17:22] Dance Island Host shouts: (( ML ejected and banned by Marco the Security man for foul language and harassment of a guest ))
[17:22] AD: he toddled off
[17:22] AA: YAY THANK U!!

~~~

The guy in the following convo was just a nutball who thought he was superior to everyone. He was running around telling everyone that Americans were the superior race. Well I am an American too, and of course I love my country, but I think it has been pretty much a group effort among ALL countries of this sorry world to either screw it up bad, or push for peace and understanding among all peoples. Anyway, here is this incident.:

[8:20] Marco: Nudity is not allowed here
[8:20] Marco: You may come back when you put on some clothes.
[8:20] ST: ive been there for 20 min
[8:20] ST: good security
[8:21] Marco: If you come back without clothes I will ban you
[8:21] ST: ok

[8:21] Marco: Yes...I was not here, ...I was called in to deal with you.
[8:21] ST: cool
[8:21] Marco: And stop asking people about their race.
[8:21] ST: he said Americans weren't the best
[8:21] ST: what an idiot
[8:21] ST: everyone knows Americans are the dominant race

[8:22] Marco: you are the idiot.
[8:22] Marco: and I am an American too.
[8:22] ST: good
[8:22] ST: we rock
[8:23] Marco: These are my friends.
[8:23] ST: ok sounds good

I ejected him:

[8:33] ST: what did i do this time
[8:34] Marco: You have been ejected and banned for returning with guns and harassing my guests...I had several complaints of you harrassing them with the guns.
[8:34] ST: but thats the American way

~~~

Here's one last incident I will share today, and it is the funniest one of all:

[18:33] Marco: you are being banned from dance island for wearing the 15 foot penis, WK.

[18:34] WK but my penis is big, that is xenofoby
[18:34] WK i was born with a big penis

[18:39] Marco: and a small brain...too bad the two were not switched, eh?

~~~

Are you seeing a pattern here? Are you beginning to see why having Security Officers present at your local SL dance club is a GOOD thing? lol.

I no longer workfor Dance Island. The demands on my time for writing and promoting this blog became too great. But I still advertise there, you may have seen my display ad. (Since Dance Island is a PG rated sim, I had to modify my normal display ad to take out the flying vibrator, lol.)

Dance Island is the largest Techno/Trance Club in SL...and in fact it really is one of the largest REAL dance clubs of ANY kind in sl, not stuffed to the rafters with "camping dancers" like some of the other clubs. Everyone on their dance floor is "really there"...really dancing, really talking to other avies. Roxette and Sana and Xenin and Rich and Deirdre and Anita and the whole crew do an excellent job of promoting and safeguarding the place.

The party NEVER stops at Dance Island. Any time of day 24/7 you can stop in and the place is hopping; which makes it a great place to meet someone for a romance *wink! In fact, when I DID work there, I considered meeting girls to be the best perk of my employment...and I met a LOT of hot sexy gals! Where do you think all my 8,987 girl friends came from anyway? Sooooooo, ROCK ON DANCE ISLAND!!!!!!!!

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Did you like this post about "living" in Second Life?  If you did, would you take a minute and leave a comment for me below?  Your kind words keep me inspired!  Thank you!  --Marco
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Wow, you gotta read the crazy, funny stuff this guy writes!
Read all about it today in Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/

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