Forget the I-pod: here's the I-Noodle and the Coming Second Life Noodle Factories

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA

{Editor Marco's Note: Dear Readers: I am hard at work building a new commercial website for my funny articles. It will be free, like this one. Not only will it contain my Second Life humor, but funny articles about a variety of other topics. It should be ready by July 1st. Meanwhile, I am reposting some of my older articles.}
***************************
Forget the I-pod: here's the I-Noodle and the Coming Second Life Noodle Factories

The atmosphere at the the Second Life party is raucous, the music is pounding, and a dozen or so young "twenty-something-year-old" men whistle and yell at the sexy strippers to "take it off, take it ALL off!" The sweet young "thangs" are down to their "Pardon Me!'s" but they aren't blushing!

Off in the corner a young twenty-one-year-old couple are vigorously pawing at each other, she is on his lap and he is vigorously "giving it" to her with all the gusto he can muster. Another young couple covers the eyes of their young child, and steer her out of the room, hurridly leaving the Sex-Me-Up nightclub and going back into the mall to shop for children's furniture for their newly-adopted child.

But something strange is going on here, because nobody here in this room is really in their twenties. In fact, they aren't really "here in this room." They are in their "cells" surrounded by strange looking machinery humming softly; white-clad attendants tend to their physical needs. Every single person in this room and mall--including the child--is in their 90's! Welcome to the age of the "Second Life Nursing Home"...the "Noodlers," sometimes called the "larvae," and their Hives, often nicknamed the "Noodle Factories."

Forget the Ipods, forget Wifii, we are looking at Brainfii. Through a new innovation developed by Apple, Inc, called the I-Noodle, the thoughts and feelings of theses aged romeos is transmitted to and from Second Life directly and wirelessly into their brains. It is the fountain of youth as these aged-geezers happily chase young women again. And the so-called young women? Why, they are 90-year-olds themselves. They haven't rocked a young buck between their legs in 60 years, and boy, are they diggin it!

And here you thought Second Life's "Age Verification" program was for weeding out the occasional 14-year-old pubescent boy who tries to wander around Second Life's sleazy halls? Not a chance! It was developed to make sure your studly romeo was really under age 80! As more and more singles turn to Second Life to find a life-partner in real life, imagine the shock of finding that the "hot sexy mamma" or the "suave BDSM Master" you've been grinding with on the dance floor is really older than dirt, with wrinkles, age spots, and gnarly toe nails!

And how do the "geezers" feel about the I-Noodle? Well for one thing they can PAY for this modern-age-wonder because they all became billionaires, as the stock of Apple Inc. tripled and quadrupled and split several times over as the appeal of this wonder-product swept the world.

New "hives" are popping up all over the world, yet the waiting-lines to enter are still growing. At a cool $5,000,000 cost to enter, you would think there would not be much demand, but the "domers" can't seem to build the facilities fast enough. Whole "third-world" countries that previously could not support themselves are suddenly bursting with cash as investors pour trillions of dollars into the "noodle-factories". The aged from all over the world are flocking to these gleaming new facilities.

And what do the facilities themselves look like?

Twentyfive beds are circled in a room, with the heads facing outward, elaborate machinery hidden below the floor hums softly. Filtered sunlight illuminates the room through a dome in the middle, strange medical equipment lines the walls behind each bed, and a Software Tech/Nurse (STN) supervises from her desk in the middle of the room. The desk itself is like sturdy kitchen table elongated and curved into a circle, with the STN's wheeled-chair in the middle. Exotic monitors sit on top of the table, and with a push of her white-clad heels the STN can spin around to look at any of her charges. Electronic antennae in the middle picks up and sends the Second Life signals to/from the Noodlers around the room, then routes the signals through cell phone towers outside the facility into the internet terminals.

The "downtimes" of the old Second Life networks are a thing of the past. Apple Inc eliminated those problems when they purchased Linden Labs in the 2010's and installed their Mac-based servers.

These domed facilities tend to look like beehives, and so they are affectionately called Hives, the workers are the bees, and sometimes when the boss isn't looking the Noodlers are called the larvae. That is an apt description, for the beds really look more like the individual cells found in honey-bee hives, with padded walls in each, and the "larvae" stuffed in the middle. Efficient equipment and tubing carry the nutrients and waste products in and out from the silent figures in the beds. The beds automatically turn on a long axis to the right and left, slowly, steadily moving, constantly-forcing the immobile bodies of the Noodlers to shift, thus preventing pressure points and hot spots from developing on their bodies. Bedsores are a thing of the past.

Of course all this equipment and personal care comes at a cost...$35,000 a month in addition to the five million dollar entrance fee. Yet the wonder of the I-Noodle makes these so called "Bee-Hives" more popular than any resort of days gone by. The wealth of the elderly has spawned whole new industries, old-age resorts have gone bust, the "Bee Hives" have swept the world, and "mom & pops" everywhere are DEMANDING entrance to the hives. No longer do families agonize over the decision to "put mom in a home."

And the "Noodlers?" How do they feel? We asked Skipper Townsend, Director of the new 100,000 bed state-of-the-art Downers Grove facility in suburban Chicago. Skipper said, "Our geriatric population loves the Hive. Here they can be kids again....fall in love again, have romance and marriage and children again, if they so desire. Or they can be Gorean Masters, Mistresses, or slaves. They can be Warriors, or Chieftans, Vampires, Furries, Neko cat-people or just live out the fantasy of their dreams. Those with Alzheimers are happy to be children again. Often they are "adopted" by other SL couples. The "Noodlers" love our facility, and their RL kids are delighted to bring them."

Skipper continued:

"Often the children "visit" mom and dad from their own Mac's at home. They don't have to see the aged wrecks the bodies of their parents have become, they can interact with their Moms & Dads as 30-year-olds in the Second Life world. But if they want, the children can still come in to the facility for a "personal visit." We give them a temporary I-Noodle headset to wear, which allows them to converse directly with their parents in their Second Life world. Everybody is happy."

Wooo Hooo! Talk about dancing to the beat!

Now, if only the old guys could be taught how to flirt properly, "Hey there cutie pie, wanna F***?"

Groannnnnnnn....some things NEVER change.


*********

Did you like this post about "living" in Second Life? If you did, would you take a minute and leave a comment for me below? Your kind words keep me inspired! Thank you! --Marco

~~~
Sayyyy, if you liked this posting today, would you tell a friend or two? Just copy/paste the paragraph below to a friend. Thank you so much!...

Wow, you gotta read the crazy, funny stuff this guy writes!
Read all about it today in Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/

P.S. There are two surveys at the bottom of the page. Would you take a moment and fill them out? Just scroll aaaaaaaaaalllllll the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down to the very bottom of this page. Thanks!