The Sick Sniffly Snotty-Slick Skirts of Second Life

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E Lodge, USA

It seems like every gal I know is sick in Second Life ® at the moment. Or has been sick, or for sure will be sick in the weeks to come.

Does sickness travel in packs like sheep? Is there a sniffly sheep dog corralling all you gals together to go into the "sick pen" together? "Woof, woof, move your arses, into the sick pen you go, Woof Woof!" and the sheep dog nudges all their butts together into the corral.

Occasionally one of the ladies makes a bolt for it, "Nooooo not me! I'm too busy to be sick!" she yelps as she jumps over the side of the pen and makes a dash for the top of the hill. But "old Shep" is on her trail in a heartbeat. Nipping at her rear-end like she's a wayward sheep, he prods the gal back to the pen. "Sorry dearie, it's the rule. All ladies have to be sick at the same time." And with a final nip and a "Woof" ole Shep nudges "dearie" back into the pen.

Yes, it is the rule. All ladies have to be sick at the same time. Every gal I know is sick. It starts with the sniffles, then the sore throat, finally she is in bed with a raging fever, all the while insisting "I'm ok, and besides, I have to make supper!" Like "Ooooh yeah honey, I just can't wait for a plateful of your sneezins!"

Sigh, have you ever tried to keep a sick lady in bed? Impossible. "Break out the leather straps, boys, put her in 5 point restraints." And even when you fuss and insist and demand that she goes to bed, she will still manage to break free and sneak out for a little work.

I should know. I used to be partnered to the most stubborn pinay in Second Life...Jade, my darling Jade. No, a pinay is not a pineapple...though she definitely IS sweet and delicious. "Pinay" is the slang term for a female from the Philippines. A male is a "pinoy."

My dear Jade is THE most stubborn pinay....no...make that THE most stubborn FEMALE I have known at any time in my life...a true workaholic...but ya gotta love her. I certainly do, though I feel like an old, worn-out sheep dog trying to keep up with her and corral her into bed for some rest.

NOOOO I am not trying to corral her into bed for some play time. Kissing a sick, sniffly, snotty-slick face is "snot" my idea of a "good time." Sorry, I couldn't resist!

Forget the beauty contests of second life...I think we need to have a Snotty-Face Contest. Applicants have to be sick and still on their feet, working. That of course would totally eliminate all of us guys. WE hit the sack and cry out for our mommies the second a little water collects at the tips of our noses. Only women would apply.

But the gals? Sheesh, they will have a fever of roughly 5010 degrees and just use the heat to keep the house warm. If a little one cries out "Mommy I'm cold," then Mommy will point the fan to blow across her body to warm the house. Precariously sitting on the edge of the sink she will wash dishes with her hands and fold laundry with her feet. Of course if she weren't being slowed down by her sickness she would get even MORE done.

To qualify for this contest these sick gals will have to be actively sniffling...blowing wads of tissue....those disgusting little balls of wadded snot the gals keep in their hands for dabbing their schnozes. They'll be required to drag 500 gallon trash bags around wherever they go, and throw their gross wads of tissue into them. At the end of the day, the bags will be weighed, and "Miss SL Sniffley Snot 2009" will be crowned champion.

The judges will hoist her bag of snotties up like they do a prized sailfish caught on the high seas with rod and reel. She will stand proudly next to her bag, with a a beaming smile and a nose glowing red from all the blowing and wiping. Even as she stands there she will dab at it with a wadded tissue. A sign stuck to her bag will say "Catch of the Day, 2009" The press will ooh and ahh and take lots of pictures.

Of course when the pictures are developed all you will see is her bright red nose glowing like a beacon. It could be used to guide airplanes in for landings. Forget Rudolph, we have "Ms. SL SnottyFace 2009" to guide us!

Her prize? Two semi-truck loads of of fresh, rose scented quilted tissues, of course! ...approximately 15 tons worth. They ought to last at LEAST a day or two!

I recently had this convo with my sick galpal friend, MsBDSM Queen:

Marco: still sick?
MsBDSM Queen: yeah hun - I need to get to my bed - feeling awful

Marco: Here, let me help you darling. *climbs into bed and pulls you in after him* snuggle up now, stay warm......there. mmmmmmmmm that's nice.
MsBDSM Queen: you tart, lmao

Marco: ...but you REALLY have to do something about your vomit breath......phew!
MsBDSM Queen: ewwwwwwwwwwww

Marco: lol, no kisses for YOU until you gargle, and just FAHGEDDABOUT french kissing, gag!
MsBDSM Queen: roflmfao

Marco: the ULTIMATE BDSM?
MsBDSM Queen: ??
Marco: "Go ahead hun, stick your tongue in there, trussssst meeeeeee"
MsBDSM Queen:eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Marco: LOOOOOL Your Secret Code Word will be: BARF!
MsBDSM Queen: EEEEEEEWWWWW GROSS!!!!

Fortunately, the sick times eventually come to an "end," as evidenced by the following conversation I had with my friend, Neko Girl....

Neko Girl: pounces and licks your nose
Marco: Heyyy, feeling better?

Neko Girl: MUCH MUCH MUCH better!
Neko Girl: I feel human again! lol

Marco: aww that is goood! *Marco feels her butt, "yeah, she DOES feel better!"*
Neko Girl laughs and wiggles in your hand

He he.....in "the end" all is well. *wink.

So tell me gals, in the comment section if you will please, tell me some of things you did around the house the last time you were sick with a fever of 5010.

Laundry?

Dishes?

Vacuumed?

Dusted?

Washed the Windows?

Shoveled snow off your sidewalks?

Painted the living room?

Built an extra wing onto the house?

And by contrast, tell us the things your man did while HE was sick. Enter them in this space: __. Thank you.

Let's have a laugh, together! Please leave a comment.

--Marco