Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover in Second Life ®

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E Lodge, USA

Do you remember that old tune by Paul Simon?

"Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You don't need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free."

(Excerpt from "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon. Words & music by paul simon)

Here are some others I found on the net, written by a guy named Brian Ford, at http://brianford.newsvine.com/_news/2008/12/11/2202340-updated-fifty-actual-ways-to-leave-your-lover

Claim to be gay, Ray.
She goes left, you go right, Dwight.
Give him an STD, Bree.
Sleep with her sister, mister.
Time to relocate, Nate.
Put it on a stickie, Vicki.
Lose interest in sex, Lex.
Sneak out in the dark, Clark.
Take a permanent hike, Mike.
Get hooked on meth, Beth.
Burn down her house, Klaus.
Poison his fish, Trish.
Leave it on the machine, Dean.
Send an email, Gail.
Join a cult and shave your head, Zed.
Run over her pet, Chet.
Make his life hell, Mel.
An addiction to porn, Bjorn.
Be obsessed, Tess.
Suggest bigger boobs, dude.
Put it in her rear, Amir.
There's always cocaine, Blaine.
Scream out other girl's names, James.
Spend your nights with another man, Jan.
Say you just want to be pals, gals.
Say it's not her it's you, Stu.
Polygamy's your motto, Otto.
Leave her at the altar, Walter.

Not bad, eh? Here then are some of the top ways to leave your lover in Second Life ®. (tongue firmly in cheek):

#26 "POOF" in the night.
Just pack up and vanish while he/she is offline. Dash through the house quickly "taking" everything back into inventory, the whole time PRAYING, "PLEASE GOD, DON'T LET HE/SHE SHOW UP UNTIL AFTER I AM ALL DONE AND HAVE LEFT!"

#25 OR, YOU own the house....dash through the house and "return" everything...
Her couch...ZAP...gone, returned.
Her coffee table...Zap...gone
Her 20 picture albumns....Zap...gone
Her Kinky OH BDSM rack....ZAP..."OH SHIT!" That was MINE...I gave her the money to buy it for me. Dang. oh well sayonara!

And you proceed to dash through the house and return everything that is hers. This is if you are renting. If you OWN, then it is even simpler...just open About Land...Objects....and return everything that is hers.

Then, for good measure MUTE her ass so she can't yell and scream back at you.

Actually, I recommend leaving off the MUTE part. That was done to me once, and it drove me crazy. I'd had no clue whatsoever that she was about to leave me, and when she muted me on top of that it drove me nuts. I ended up going to her new home and filling it with...uhm....lets let that story lay. We are friends again, 'nuff said.

#24 Return EVERYTHING, her stuff, your stuff, then tell her you were evicted by the landlord.....and you need some time off to think things through.

#23 Tell him your RL husband is freaking out that you have an SL partner and he insists that you breakup. Again, it has been done to me, and it stinks.

#22 "Accidently" tp her in when you are in bed with another woman. It will be all over very quickly I assure you! Unlessssss she is secretly bisexual, and jumps into bed WITH you.

#21 "Starve her out"...never show up....get an alt and play in your alt. Let her pine for you and mourn, wondering why you never come online anymore. Sneaky.

#20 "Forget" to show up for the wedding. Go camping that weekend. Never show up when she throws parties for all your friends. She will get sick of your boorish behavior and leave.
Passive/aggressive.

#19 Introduce her to someone far hotter than YOU. Hehe, SHE will take care of things for you.

#18 Hire a private investigator to entice them into a romantic "ahem" encounter, and take pictures. Once you have the pictures in hand, dump the pictures into their inventory...or into the inventory of all their friends. It happened to me.

#17 Send a goodbye via IM...or email.

#16 Dispartner them while they are offline, with no warning. They will just looooove receiving that "wake up note from the Lindens."

#15 Start batting for the "other team." Ahhhh but if he is a guy, he might like it.

#14 Have your best friend tell him. Or your SL mom. oy ve!

#13 Delete yourself, and send him an email telling him that the Lindens have shut down
your account. Tell him you will get back to him as soon as you find out what is going on.
Now get an alt and forget him. OUCH!!

#12 This one actually happened to a friend of mine in SL: Stay offline for two weeks, then have a friend send an email to her explaining you are in the ICU from having had a car accident. Further, have your "friend" tell her that during the surgery to stem the internal bleeding, the surgeons discovered "cancer everywhere." Have your "friend" tell her that you are not expected to live long. A few weeks later have the friend send a followup email that you have died.

Meanwhile come back into SL just long enough to dispartner her and find a new date. If she catches you, tell her you are not YOU....but that you bought this avie on craigslist for $50 usd. This actually happened to a friend of mine. The guy who did it to her was named Gaspar something. He later sent her a message saying, "Leave me the fuck alone, I just don't want to see you anymore." This, after proposing, marrying her, and urging her to have sl triplets. She kept the babies.

#11 Get an alt of the opposite sex, and immediately partner with him/her. Tell your ex, "sorry, he/she is just a much better lover than you."

OR

#10 Get an alt of the SAME sex as you, and immediately partner with him/her. Tell your ex, "sorry, he/she is just a much better lover than you."

#9 Go dancing and "ass grabbing" in the club of some of your partner's favorite clubs. Or, clubs where his friends hang out.

#8 Make a fake wedding invitation announcing your planned marriage to an alt. "Accidently " Send an invitation to him. Ask for a gift. Make sure the tp link to the wedding is 4000 meters up over a sl junkyard.

#7 If your partner was a young guy/gal, then make sure you find a gray-haired, old-person avie for your alt. Tell your former partner you prefer older men/women because "they are sooo much more mature."

#6 If your partner was an older guy/gal, then make sure you find a child avie for your alt. Tell your former partner you prefer "younger" people with a "spark of life left in them."

#5 Buy a male Great Dane dog-avie for your alt, and tell your partner that you discovered that "size really DOES matter."

#4 "Wrong Chat Window" approach. Ok, let's say the name of your partner is James. So one night when you know James is online, you turn off your "eyes and green dots." Then you bring up James' im box and type in, "Ohhhhhhhh DAVE, I love the feel of {TYPE SOMETHING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT HERE]. Send it to James. Then wait 30 seconds and type, "OH SHIT." Then wait another 30 seconds and type...... "JUST JOKING HUN, HAHAHAHAHAH!" Yeah right. I'm SURE he will believe THAT. Wait for the fireworks to begin.

#3 A similar approach of course is to wait until you are in bed with James and in the throes of passion, yell out, "Oh Dave, Dave, Dave, you thrill me like no other man!"

"SHIELDS UP!!!!"

#2 Fake a congratulations notecard from your girlfriend, congratulating you on "finally leaving that loser, James." Send it to him "by mistake." Follow it up with this message, "JAMES! *BLUSH* obviously I sent the wrong notecard to you!"

#1 Final way, sit down with them face to face, swallow your pride, and just say, "Honey, we tried, but I'm just not happy in this relationship and I am leaving. I hope we can still be friends and talk to each other, but I don't want to be your partner any more. *gives back his her ring.* I am going to go now honey, will you let me come back and pick up my stuff later?"

This is the hardest way to do it, initially. But in the long run, it is probably the best way. You may even become very close friends. It has happened that way for me. :-)

NOW......please, in the comment section tell us some creative ways you have left a lover in sl, or HEARD OF someone ELSE leaving a lover, *wink!

***
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