So, all that groaning and moaning about "Eagerly I brush my mouth across your soft tender lips, touching the tip of your tongue with mine, then passionately suck your sensuous tongue into my hot mouth...." is TOTALLY fictitious, unless their mouth is located squarely in the middle of their forehead.
Can you imagine it in Real Life? It sounds like something out of a Stephen King horror novel... You take your lovely date...Delicious Dahlia...to the carnival, but since you did not tip the old gypsy woman when she read your fortune, she placed a Kisseroo Curse on her. Later, when you get Delicious Dahlia home and pull her up to you for a lovely goodnight kiss...you are greeted with a "Shocker from Planet X" as a 12 inch wriggling tongue pokes out from her gash of a mouth, stuck firmly IN THE TOP OF HER FOREHEAD! "Gimmee a french kiss NOW, baby!" Shudder.
The ritual for giving a hug in Second Life is equally laughable. First, you have to plan this out WAYYY in advance, by acquiring a hug HUD. Of course, the word HUD refers to Heads Up Display, that panel showing only on your screen that gives you the kiss or hug menu. Either you pick up a freebie somewhere, or you shell out 800 lindens to acquire a top-of-the line Meike Deluxe. That is the one I recommend, anyway. ~~Meike TM Designs, Waterton (19, 27, 46)~~
Next, you go up to your intended huggee. You must stand directly in front of her or him. If you don't, your hug will not synch correctly, and you are apt to be stuck "hugging air"...your arms squarely locked around...nothing.
Ok, step back, re-angle, now walk STRAIGHT UP to your intended. Activate your HUD, select the hug you want. Push the button. Wait for the blue menu to pop up with the names of potential "Huggees" in the area. BE SURE TO PICK THE RIGHT ONE...cause if you don't., you may find yourself accidently hugging Ugly George instead of Delicious Dahlia, and HE might like it!
So you push the Delicious Dahlia button. Now comes the agony of waiting...will she accept or not? Wait, wait, wait. Meanwhile on HER end, the blue screen has popped up..."Handsome Hunk wishes to hug you...animate your avatar?" For HER, a big decision looms, as she wonders what manner of hug Handsome Hunk is planning for her. Is it a "nice brotherly neck squeezer?" Or is it a "throw her down to the floor, pounce her, and shag the hell out of her hug?" There is no way for her to know until it happens. She accepts.
Now your avies make some funny moves, alerting you that the Big Moment is about to occur. Then WHAM! Oops, something is wrong. He has his arms firmly wrapped around ....air...and she is doing the same...they are misaligned. Now comes the awkward shuffle maneuver whereby each tries to step a little bit left or right to bring their encircling arms together until her hands are around his neck and vice versa.
Finally, all is well, they hug, and he or she locks the other in firmly. "Now I have you my pretty, you are not getting away THAT easily, muahahaha!" After hugging for approximately 24 hours, he/she finally releases you for a potty break.
Now, just envision this whole procedure in Real Life would you?
First you stop in at Ye Olde Kissee and Huggee Shoppe at the Mall, for a good Hug Hud. Forget the freebie versions, they suck. Put out some real money for a state of the art hugger.
Take it home, unbox it. Try it out...Across your field of view pops up the HUD. Looks good.
Try it out...get your friend over, activate your hud. Pick your intended. Push the button on your screen. Wait, wait, wait, while she tries to decide if you are merely going to hug her or rape her.
She accepts your hug.
Now you try to hug, but find you are both turned away from each other hugging the air. Stand still, but attempt to take little half steps to the right or left, to swing your bodies into alignment. Finally you sorta have yourselves lined up properly, with her hugging your shoulder, and you hugging the air to her right.
A few more corrections.....and you have overdone it. Now you are hugging the air to her LEFT. Shuffle shuffle shuffle...there. Hug. THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!
Wow, this is hard! No wonder there are so few babies in Second Life!
--Marco
by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA
~~~
Sayyyy, if you liked this posting today, would you tell a friend or two? Just copy/paste the paragraph below to a friend. Thank you so much!...
Wow, you gotta read the crazy, funny stuff this guy writes!
Read all about it today in Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/
P.S. There are two surveys at the bottom of the page. Would you take a moment and fill them out? Just scroll aaaaaaaaaalllllll the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down to the very bottom of this page. Thanks!
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