NUTTY NEWS #1--Three Children Found on the Dead Body of a US Soldier

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E Lodge, USA

Now, why do you suppose I chose to quote the passage below, in quotes, for Marco's SL Humor Blog? Was it because I have a deep, abiding, personal interest in American Civil War history? In Children? In Errol Morris?

*********
"Whose Father Was He? (Part Two)
By Errol Morris
This is the second of five installments of “Whose Father Was He?” — an investigation into a photograph of three children found on the dead body of Amos Humiston, a fallen Union soldier, at Gettysburg in 1863. Part one can be read here....

Found at http://morris.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/30/whose-father-was-he-part-two/?th&emc=th
**************

None of the above. I chose it because it is a textbook example of the consequences of poor punctuation in a sentence; i.e. how a missing comma totally changes the meaning. Look at this portion of the sentence again, and tell me what "picture" it brings to mind...

"...an investigation into a photograph of three children found on the dead body of Amos Humiston, a fallen Union soldier..."

Now, for ME, it sounds like someone took a photo, of three children found on the dead body of....

YEAH! WHAT THE HELL WERE THOSE THREE CHILDREN DOING ON THE DEAD BODY OF AMOS HUMISTON?

Was this a common problem in the civil-war era? Were children often found on dead bodies? Or for that matter, perhaps it was not related to the civil war at all? Perhaps children are usually found on dead bodies....?

Perhaps just in the USA? Oh boy, is Mr. Obama going to be mad at ME! The good 'ole flag is tarnished enough without connecting it with children playing on dead bodies. I can just see the headlines now...."CHILDREN PLAY ON DEAD BODIES IN THE USA!!!"

Gosh, maybe they weren't even playing! Maybe they were just sitting there. What were they doing? It sure does bring a lot of strange thoughts to mind! Woo boy, don't send your children to the US!!

And what a strange turn-about this is. Usually we have to send live bodies to foreign lands to have them returned to us dead...without children on them. Or, perhaps it is a great cover-up! Maybe THAT is where all those children on the milk cartons go! Hmmm, three children for each soldier killed in war for the US...that sure would account for a lot of missing children.

Where do they all go? OMG is this why funeral parlors are often called "homes," as in funeral homes? Is that where all those children go after the bodies are buried? What a gruesome upbringing.

Do you suppose they are "recycled?"

"Hey Mort, where should I put these three kids left over from the military funeral the other day?"

"Aww, just stick 'em in the back closet....we will save 'em for the next one. They'll keep."

Now, before a "hue and cry" is raised...and THAT sounds like an interesting story in itself...where those "hue's and cries" are kept and how to raise them...before they are raised let me assure you that this is all tongue-in cheek. Very sick, yes, admittedly so, but still, just a little wry humor.

Now what do you suppose would be a better way to phrase that sentence at the top? Hmmmm, well now, by including one little comma, the meaning is totally changed, from this:

"...an investigation into a photograph of three children found on the dead body of Amos Humiston, a fallen Union soldier..."

to THIS:

"...an investigation into a photograph of three children, found on the dead body of Amos Humiston, a fallen Union soldier..."

By the way, no children..or Union soldiers, were harmed in the making of this essay.

"MARCO! WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?" she asked...

"My dear," he replied, "I am a very sick man. Very sick."

--Marco
P.S. Please be sure to vote in the poll waaaaay down at the bottom of this page.

COMMENT SECTION: Please leave a comment.

Have YOU ever found children on dead bodies?

Where did you put them after the burial? (the children, NOT the dead bodies)

Where do you suppose "hue's and cries" are kept?

And how do you "raise" them?

Should one send them to a private school for the very best education?

Do you think Marco is a very sick man?

Do you suppose he is missing a comma? Perhaps he is short a few commas in his attic. Do you suppose he is "short a load?"

Where can he go to find a few more?

*****

Did you like this Nutty News post? If you did, would you tell a friend or two about it? Just clip and paste this to them:

"OMG, you should read what this nutjob Marco writes, in Marco's SL Humor Blog at http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/ "

I sure would appreciate it, it will help my blog to grow. Thank you!

--Marco