The Lindens Poop in Our Living Room...Again.

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E Lodge, USA

This article was originally written in June of 2008. But in light of the new crap LL is handing out, (the new censorship rules and the segregation of adult activities to the so-called "red light ghetto"), this article suddenly became "fresh shit" again. LOL, Enjoy!

--Marco
P.S. Don't step in the shit!



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"SL is my mistress!" cried the crazy man (to the deaf man.) by Marco

"SL is my mistress!" the man said confidently, but I think he was a crazy man, because SL cannot be our mistress. No one "keeps" SL like a man keeps a mistress, or keeps a puppy. The puppy keeps US.

We no more "keep" SL in place, than we "keep" a puppy in place. A puppy goes where it wants to "go" and we do not know where it is coming from or where it is going "to go" next. So it is with SL. Have you ever tried to predict what a puppy is going to do next? You sit on your floor and call it to you and it happily clambers over you and licks your face. Everybody is happy. But THEN when you look away for a moment, maybe to catch something on the TV, the darn thing goes off and poops in the middle of the room!

Ahhh, this is the SL I know....and hate. One moment SL is like that warm lickable puppy, being all warm and fuzzy and making my life happy. It licks me in the face and I fall in love with it. It clambers onto my lap and takes a snooze and I am just so happy I could die. But THEN, I look away for a minute, and suddenly SL is piddling in the middle of my living room carpet!

Holy poop! Stop that NOW! But my SL puppy never listens. It just scampers away with its little tail tucked between its little legs. One moment I am writing a blog, and everything is clicking along at a happy pace. Then SUDDENLY the damn blog starts to "eat the words"!!! Do you know what I am talking about by that? Normally when I have to correct a typo in the blog it is no problem..."Oh, I see a wdro misspelled. No problem." I just highlight the misspelled "wdro" and retype "word". And it works fine...the "wdro" disappears, and I type in the correct spelling. Or if I need to add in an extra space, no problemo, just place the cursor, and hit the space bar. But it when it starts to "eat the words"...shudder. Suddenly every time I click on ANY key, the next word advances into my cursor and disappears. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. If you don't it is hard to describe.

Annnnnd of course, we all know about all the other little trivialities that add up to big problems on sl...transactions that don't go through, gifts that don't arrive in their destination, and all sorts of oddities. I remember one time I tried to give a dj a $250 tip, and $500 vanished from my account, but she only received the $250. Where did the other $250 go? It probably floated over to Governor Linden's home. I think his place must be the "Bermuda Triangle" of SL...i.e. all missing items drift over to his place and are sucked down a giant whirlpool into his mansion. That is why his mansion is so big you know. Every room is stuffed in every cranny with missing Lindens, pianos, sex animations, clothes of every description--that's where our socks go, you know-- and all other missing transactions....dances from Sine Wave Island, scripts from Baller Projects...everything. The Governor's mansion--I surmise--is really the royal sinkhole for SL. All missing items end up there. Why else do you suppose he has the biggest mansion on the planet?

Of course I am joking...or am I? I know for a fact that items do mysteriously "drift" away from your property. I described in an earlier blog how one time I was trying to move my brand new $1000 sex bed a couple of feet in my second floor bedroom, and it suddenly "shot" through the wall and disappeared from view. Only after diligently searching the entire island for a couple of hours did I find it "parked" in the tops of a tree, on the property of some neighbors. Another time I was dancing with a cutie pie in my home when we suddenly crashed. When we relogged, the dance balls had vanished. Not a trace. They were not in our inventory; clearing our caches did not help. They were gone for good. I am sure that Govenor Linden is doing the "sky duet" on my dance balls in his mansion, even as you read this.

Sometime when you have nothing to do, put on a "flight feather" and go flying around an island somewhere. It is very common to see all kinds of weird objects floating around in mid-air. Flowers, trees, cars, motorcycles, all kinds of weird items will be seen just floating in the sky over someone's property. One time I was trying out a "flying vibrator" and I hit an unseen "do not enter" wall. It tossed me off the vibrator and onto the ground next door. I never did find my vibrator again, and please don't send me any nasty comments, ha ha...cause I think I would have felt it if it ended up "where the sun don't shine." The dang thing is probably still floating in the air from where it hit that invisible wall.

At one island I lived at, I noticed that all kinds of weird objects were grouped at one end of the island on someone else's property. This neighbor did not come to her property very often and I bet it was a "big surprise" for her to see all the items piled up outside her front door: lawn chairs, flower planters, beds, large screen tv's, stuffed animals, dildos, sex balls, all just grouped around a certain area of the property like it was the magnetic north pole for the island. For some reason I do not understand, when your item "squirts" out the door, it tends to head over to the local "magnetic pole" and hang out there.

I had problems with a neighbor once who did not understand this concept. Apparently she thought that people were maliciously leaving their items on her property, just to use up her prims and piss her off. She --MC--would fire off nasty letters to us accusing us of "cheating" by storing our stuff on her land. And of course we would be laughing hilariously at this nutball. "Yeah, MC, thanks, I parked my 500-piece collection of designer butt plugs at your house because I didn't want anyone to think I was a pervert. But we all know you are, so it does not matter." And MC would rant and rave and foam at the mouth like a rabid dog and tell us that she was going to personally make sure that we were banned from every sim in the known or unknown universe. And the sad thing? All she had to do was enable the "auto return" button on her land and anything that landed there would automatically be returned to the owner after a set amount of time...thus eliminating the need to make a big fuss.

Ahh but that is what "piles of poop on the carpet" are all about...you don't control them, you just step in them, and then try to clean up the mess afterwards. Viva la Second Life.

P.S. "SL is temporarily experiencing asset database issues, please do not make any transactions until the 'all clear' notice has been given......sometime in the year 2045." DAMN IT PUPPY! STOP THAT !!!!
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PLEASE, would you leave a comment? I read and answer all comments, usually within the hour. Of course I DO log off now and then, to sleep, eat, and take care of OTHER bodily functions; though sometimes I just do them at my desk. I'll leave you to figure out WHICH.

C'monnnnn, I know you are shy, so just use "Anonymous" as your name...gowaaaannnn, you KNOW you wanna!

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Sayyyy, if you liked this posting today, would you copy/paste this to a friend? Thank you so much!...

"The Lindens Shit in Our Living Room...Again."
Read all about it today at Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/

P.S. Be sure to vote in the poll waaaaaayyyyy down at the bottom of this page!