AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA
{Editor Marco's Note: Dear Readers: I am hard at work building a new commercial website for my funny articles. Like this site, it will also be free. It will have not only my Second Life humor, but funny articles about a variety of topics. It should be ready in 30 to 60 days. Meanwhile, I am reposting some of my older articles.}
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Are you addicted to Second Life? Well let me give you a clue...if you are still on sl after a week then "Yes," you probably are addicted to Second Life A week straight that is...you have hardly eaten any food, your hair is looking a bit unkempt, the DOGS won't go near you because of your "body odor" and your cats are constantly mewling at your feet in hunger.
My personal record for time spent continuously in front of my computer doing Second Life was 27 hours. Not straight of course! Sheesh! I stood up now and then to pee into a bucket.
That may sound like an extreme amount of time to spend at the computer, but I have heard of many, many people spending 24 hours straight doing Second Life. The longest I've ever heard, was one person who told me she did 48 hours straight.
Did you lose weight your first couple of weeks doing SL? I lost 8 lbs in my first two weeks. I would be practically glued to my screen. In the distance, so-to-speak, I would hear my stomach growling, and feel a dull hunger pain, but I just did not care. Second Life is the best diet plan I have ever been on! Unfortunately, like all extreme diets, the weight came back and I have probably put on a few pounds, because now I keep food close to my computer.
There are now bread wrappers, empty soda cans, empty beer bottles and an assortment of crumbs and dirty dishes all around me. I think I have started an entire new ecological food chain in the immediate vicinity of my monitor and keyboard. Soon I will probably see ant hills and bushes growing around me. My entire food supply is now within an arm's length of me at the computer. Along with my pee bucket.
So how can you tell if YOU are addicted to Second Life? I have put together a list of possible signs:
Your RL family has to call 911 because you suffer from butt-stuck-itis, that is, the paramedics have to come over and pry your stuck-butt from your chair.
Your kids ask you why you have the pattern of your keyboard imprinted on your face from when you fell asleep at your computer waiting for your Second Life "friend" to IM you.
Your cats are constantly mewling around your feet because you have not fed them in a week. The kids are mewling with them.
Your stupid boss wants you to come in to work today or be fired, and you are so sick of his lack of priorities in life.
You have 25 pounds of junk food wrappers heaped around your monitor.
You are having leg and neck cramps from sitting at your computer for so long.
You keep a bucket or a milk jug next to your seat to pee into.
You are at an RL store and a cute girl just slapped you because you tapped on the top of her head to read her profile.
Your RL psych doctor makes you wear a motorcycle helmet, knee pads and elbow pads at all times to keep you from banging your head and limbs on walls when you try to fly.
You broke multiple bones trying to jump from the top of your staircase to the ground floor of your RL house.
You spent a day in jail in RL because you tried to jump off the top of the Eiffel Tower (with a parachute of course.)
You are dead in RL because you tried to jump off a tall building (WITHOUT one).
Your RL neighbors look at you like you are nuts when you wave your arm at the front door of your RL house and expect it to swing open...like magic.
Your RL wife took the kids and moved back to her mom's house because when she asked you to help her move the couch to the other side of the room you told her to just "click edit and pull on the arrow."
Your RL husband looks a little worried and asks if you are feeling ok because when he told you he was "in the mood" you told him to "Unhide or Show the sex balls first."
Your RL spouse freaked out when you told him/her that you just came back from shopping at "Neva Naughty" and now the two of you can make love on top of the kitchen table, the piano, or the toilet.
Your RL wife freaks out when you try to explain why you are carrying a "Sex Wallet" that allows you to "Have Sex Anywhere".
Your RL husband got a really worried look on his face because after you and him made love last night you told him that you were "an alt" and that in "Real Life you are a man."
Your RL wife has started talking V*E*R*Y quietly on the phone to her sisters and friends when you are in the room because after you and her made love last night you told her that you were "an alt" and that in "Real Life you are not a man, but a girl."
Your RL mother became very worried about you because when she dropped over for a visit she found you swearing and yelling at a bunch of new art pictures in frames--leaning against the sofa--that refused to "obey you and get up on the walls when you waved your arm at them."
You sit in your RL car in traffic jams on the Expressway, and complain about "all this damn lag."
You are invited to go dancing in RL, and when you get to the dance floor you complain that you can't dance because "all the dance balls are taken."
A cute RL girl just slapped you because you walked up to her and said, "Wanna fuck?" Thus you make the discovery that not only does that line not work in Second Life, but it does not work in RL either.
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Did you like this post about "living" in Second Life? If you did, would you take a minute and leave a comment for me below? Your kind words keep me inspired! Thank you! --Marco
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Sayyyy, if you liked this posting today, would you tell a friend or two? Just copy/paste the paragraph below to a friend. Thank you so much!...
Wow, you gotta read the crazy, funny stuff this guy writes!
Read all about it today in Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/
P.S. There are two surveys at the bottom of the page. Would you take a moment and fill them out? Just scroll aaaaaaaaaalllllll the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down to the very bottom of this page. Thanks!
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