(AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA)
This whole idea of dating in Second Life ® is really strange if you stop to think about it.
I mean, you have these two cartoon characters getting together and HOLDING HANDS, and KISSSING, and Ughhhh OTHER things too.
I mean really, can you imagine Lil Orphan Annie dating Flesh Gordon ...Uhmm ...oops, isn't that supposed to be FLASH Gordon? Yeah, but for sure in Second Life ® it would be FLESH Gordon.
So Lil' Orphan Annie and Flesh Gordon meet at the Sex-Me-Up nightclub and get their freak on. One shudders at the thought, it is hard to imagine. Flesh is dressed in the red spandex number, gyrating his pelvis and bumping his hips with the little frizzy red-haired AnnieGurrrrl. And Puhleeeeeze, don't give me any lip about this being "Age Play" cuz that little "orphan girl" is old enough to be Flesh's mother...probably old enough to be his Grandmother.
That is one of the enduring myths about Second Life ®....that everyone is in their 20's....sheeesh, you would not believe how many "Sweet young thangs" I've danced with that turned out to be in their LATE 60's. Yes, late 60's as in almost 70. A while back I danced my way into bed with one I met at the 5th Element in GOL. Geeze she was soooo damn hot at the 5th....and no, I had NOT drunk a fifth...not yet, that came later. So after we "bumped and grinded" and flirted our way into bed at my place...and after we finished making love in every conceivable corner of my bedroom, and deck...and rooftop, she gave me her RL picture. I was shocked. I thought MY rl picture was wrinkly enough, but her jowls reached to the middle of her chest. It was hard to tell where her cheek saggies ended and her breast saggies started. Talk about OLD! Sheesh, I've rolled in dirt that was younger than her. Fresher too.
Buuuuttt don't get the wrong idea here. I love women. It was just such a shock to have seen an RL picture that was so.......Eeeeeeewwwww. Really, I wish she had not spoiled the fantasy. I really would have preferred to think I was dancing in the sheets with a 20-something HAWTIE. I mean, realistically gals, would you prefer to make love to the svelte, trimmed, ripped, bronzed YOUNG Elvis? or the bloated, soft, fat, sluggish OLD Elvis? Of course I know some of you are not picky, you would make love to the DEAD Elvis. Eeeeeew. Oh by the way, that reminds me of something. Did I ever tell you that I once came within two feet of meeting Elvis? Yeah, but then my shovel broke. Badump ump.
But really, this highlights one of the big ongoing problems of sl dating....you never know what you are getting. Sheesh, talk about Truth in Advertising. The Lindens should have some sort of Truth in Advertising standards for profiles. Age Verification to weed out under-age minors? Huh. I wish they had some sort of Youngblood Verification to tell us if they have been able to touch their toes in the last few years. Not because they are obese...but because Mr. Arthur won't give them the range of motion to do so. It really would be nice to know that the hottie I am dancing with is not wearing adult Depend diapers under her short shorts.
There are two schools of thought here. One says, sure let's trade RL pictures. The other says, that RL is RL and SL is SL so let's not mix the two. That is commendable in many regards. And it works great for the older crowd. Frankly, the Second Life ® gals and guys who really ARE young don't want to date the geezers. Ohhhh they will say things to you like "Age is just a number." Yeah, so are speed limits, but no one really wants to go 110. It is soooo much healthier to life, limb to keep the "speeds" somewhere in the lower double-digits.
If a gal won't share her picture with me, I know something is up. There is a Reason for her reluctance. Often it is because she is not quite as tanned and trimmed in RL as she thinks I want. Honestly though, as long as she is curvy I will like her...even if she has a little "padding." Shoot, who doesn't? Do you honestly think I look like Marco? Ha! Marco is my inner stud. But if a gal flat out won't show me her picture, then I know something is amiss. And if on top of that she says her microphone is "broken" and thus she can't do Voice or Skype or even talk on the phone, then I know something is REALLY wrong. Like she is probably a guy.
Have you heard the SL spoof on YouTube called Sarcastic Gamer? It is a scream. He sings about falling in love with a girl in SL and contacting her to set up a meeting in RL. But the girl won't do it because she says she has a WIFE in RL!!!!! The singer laments that he has fallen in love with a GUY! He concludes his song by typing, "I--Love--You--Too, --Rick."
This actually happened to me once. I was sitting on the couch with a cute-young-thang on my lap, and we were talking and caressing and hugging and starting to get all romantical when she suddenly confessed, "By the way, I just have to tell you, in real life my name is James." My blood froze in my veins. With my eyeballs bulging, I slowly took my hands off "her" and said..."No more hugs for YOU, Jim!" And then "she" had the nerve to tell me I was "just a big Homo because I had been attracted to "him" and she/he wanted to continue with our necking. I don't think so. What a weirdo.
So I guess personally, I am of the school that says, "Show me the money!" or, "Show me the picture, bayaby," and "Oops! are those a set of Pampers I see peeking out over your baggies?" Honey, ya better throw me a little voice-action too, a guy just can't be too careful these days.
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Did you like this post about "living" in Second Life ®? If you did, would you take a minute and leave a comment for me below? Your kind words keep me inspired! Thank you! --Marco
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