(AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA)
Is it the sound of expensive dishes hitting the floor and shattering; pieces flying off in all directions around the room? Is it the fear of little bits of china you have to worry about stepping on? Or is it a matter of even more expensive cars smashing into other cars? Is it the inconvenience of taking time off work; the hassle of "being grounded" while your car is repaired?
No, oh my no, it is much much worse, it is our WORLD being grounded, as we cannot access our beloved Second Life ®. And what a joke, that I say "beloved"!!! SL has become so aggravating these days, that I scarcely can think of a WORSE vacation spot. You cannot get anything done without those dreaded words suddenly appearing across the "sky" in 10 foot high letters, "Second Life ® Has Unexpectedly Closed." Would you like to CLOSE, RETRY, OR GIVE-THE-FUCK-UP-FOREVER?"
Increasingly, the third choice is becoming attractive.
It is a wry joke to me that the Lindens themselves often refer to themselves as the "Gods" and refer to their powers of intervening into our little world as their "God Powers." If in truth God ran the World, like the "gods" run sl, then I imagine we could expect scenes like this in our daily lives:
You are in the middle of lovemaking, having invested much time in patient fore-play to bring your honey to a state of frothing "GIVE IT TO ME NOW!" madness, when suddenly "God" gives it to the both of you...your pubes disappear...or you freeze up solid and can't move, or worse yet the 10 Foot High Letters appear across the room
"You have been logged out of your life for inactivity...god bless and please try again later!" WHAT!!!??? Please fuckin try again later?"
"What! Are you mad? It took 'honey' and I all week just to find time to get together, and today it took me 3 hours of listening to her pour out her troubles about her ex, or her hubby, and another 45 minutes of patient foreplay, and YOU tell me to 'try again later?'
And when you DO "try again" surprise, surprise, "God" pops a little notice into your airspace telling you "Your account has been logged out, and you will not be able to get back in until you wait 5 minutes and scream at your computer for 10 minutes, and try 15 times to log-in. Have a nice day and please continue what you were doing, we are glad to you have you in second life!" Yeah, right, go to hell Lindens.
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Last night I was working at my job as a male dancer. Now, it is hard for me to emote...someday I will write a whole series of blogs about that subject. Good emoters often bracket their emoting statements ***In in this manner so that you know an incredibly sexy statement is being directed your way.***
But for me to walk up to a total stranger and say something like ***Marco takes his finger out of his mouth and then sticks it into his pants and idly scratches his balls while he thinks about how much he would like to pet this little honey on the dance floor in front of him***...well, let's just say I find that kinda hard to do. I suppose it goes against my whole theory about flirting...that flirting should be light and whimsical, designed, not to bring the girl into a state of frothing "GIVE IT TO ME NOW!" madness in the next two minutes, but rather, to get her to laugh with me and enjoy my company. But anyway, I digress.
So I was laboring to emote to some "Shy" little creature grinding in front of me. And I was saying something inane like ***Marco's Sexy-Girl radar is going crazy, and the dial is spinning out of control from standing next to "Shygurrl"***, when "GOD" intervened: "Second Life ® HAS UNEXPECTEDLY CLOSED DOWN." Shit! Things were just starting to go good with Shygurrl. 'POOF" I'm gone, and my whole universe has vanished.
Laboriously, I go through the relog process.....only to see, "The Region is beginning the log-out procedure, please try later. " Damn! I was on the clock at work, being that my job is at one of the few clubs that actually pays a salary to it's dancers. But we have to stay within 80 meters of the Campmaster. I don't think being 50 regions away in my condo when I relog will count. So every moment I am off-line I am losing money. I try to relog twice more, and NOW the dreaded, "You have to wait 5 more minutes" pops up. Sometimes you can ignore those messages and keep flailing away at the damn relog button until it works...but not this time. So ho-hum I whistle a merry tune and meditate on my belly button for 5 more minutes, right?....NOT!
"I'm in! Yayyyyyy!" Such beautiful words! I have successfully relogged into SL. And I fly like the wind back to my job, relog back into the CampMaster, then run back to the dance pad....and skid to a halt, "Whoops!" I need a new tipjar. So I skeedaddle off to the tipjar corner of the room and choose a nice green cocktail glass. It will float over my head and says "Marcophoto's Tips." Now, where is "ShyGurrl"....WOW SHE IS STILL THERE, PRAISE GOD!
I run back to her side, and she says, "WB Marco" and gives me a sexy smile. "Thank God! I still have a chance with her!" I frantically search my inventory for my sexy dance animations, turn on my stripper dance, Dip Me in Chocolate, and start to grind my sexy hips at her. Phew, dodged a bullet. I ask her "How are you sweet thang?" She gives me an incredibly sexy smile and says...
Second Life ® HAS UNEXPECTEDLY CLOSED DOWN...WOULD YOU LIKE TO .......
***SHIT, NOT AGAIN! emotes Marco, seductively***
Actually, it happened twice more while I tried to "Get it on," with Shygurrl. This time, game over. When I managed to relog and come back to the dance floor, my shybabe was gone.
Damn Second Life ®! Stupid F*****G Lindens! Would someone please tell them to stop "improving our world" with their new viewers? If they "improve" it any more the damn program will not work at all!
***Marco takes his finger out of his mouth, idly scratches his balls, then shakes his upraised fist at the Gods!***
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Did you like this post about "living" in Second Life ®? If you did, would you take a minute and leave a comment for me below? Your kind words keep me inspired! Thank you! --Marco
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