Security Work in Second Life #2: Gestapo Insecurities

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E Lodge, USA

"Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp,"

The column of jackbooted soldiers goose-step along through the quaint village. The villagers look up in shock, frozen, the heavy moist feeling of pure fear permeates the air.

"Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp,"

Their steel helmets bob up and down with their precision marching. Rifles slung but ready, fingers even now caress their triggers. As they draw near, the villagers scatter.

"Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp,"

The soldiers draw up next to an outdoor cafe. Dancers at the cafe instantly stop dancing, they begin to edge away from the dancefloor.....then to flee in terror into the night.

ACHTUNG, ACHTUNG, HALT!

"TROMP" With one last massive stomp the column of soldiers shudders to a halt. The last of the dancers has fled, several crouch in the dark behind furniture, only their fearful eyes showing.

"YOU MEN HEF YOUR ORDERS! ROUND THEM UP! GO!" *he screams at them*

With a rush they scatter to the left and right into the village, bursting through doors, the screams and terror of the dancers splinter the air.

"What have we done? Where are you taking us? Why are you doing this? I have done nothing! Please, Mr. Soldier, please! " the terrified dancers screech as they are dragged from their zones of comfort by their hair and piled into the waiting truck, banished and seen no more.

In minutes the slaughter is over, the deed is done. The trucks start, they drive off, the wails of the dancers fading into the night.....the dancers are gone...."peace" of a sort has returned to the village....but the dancers? Ahhh the dancers dance no more...at least.....not here.

*now he turns and screams to the frozen residents as they cower in their homes*

"YOU VILL OBEY US! VE HEF VAYS!"

"Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp," the soldiers move off. Their mission is finished, they are done...for now, but they will be back--soon--to haul off more............

Is this a scene from a Nazi movie based on WWII incidents of Jews being rounded up and hauled off to the deathcamps? No my friend. This is SL and these are the Dance Club Gestapo Security.
***
For several months I worked as a Security Officer at one of the largest 24/7 dance clubs in sl and I noticed a very curious phenomenon during that time. You can take an ordinary, really nice, delightful person, slap that tag on them: "Security" and within days they turn into monsters.

I can attest to it because it happened to me, personally. One moment I was just your nice average guy, a bit noobish, eager to please, eager to help out anybody in the club, smiling laughing. THEN I was granted "THE POWER!" Now I could eject people! I could banish people into the void for DARING to talk back to me. Overnight I turned, like the victim of a vampire, from a nice ordinary human into an undead Gestapo monster.

"Too much Spam!" eject!

"Too many Particles!" eject!

"You said a naughty word!" eject!

"You are naked!" eject!

"You aren't dressed right!" eject!

"You are not allowed to advertise your club here!" eject!

"You are not allowed to hand out notecards!" eject!

"Escorting? Not here!" eject!

"No rave sticks!" eject!

"No drug talk!" eject

"Don't talk about other clubs!" eject!

"No camping here!" eject!

"Your avie is too big!" eject!

"Get off the dj booth!" eject!

"You talked back to me!" BAN

"I don't like your looks!" BAN

"You're standing in my way!" BAN!

"Your feet stink!" BAN

And on and on and on, ad nauseum. You would think that a Gestapo security person's idea of a perfect night would be to EJECT EVERYONE...."Ahhhh PEACE at last!" *Marco shakes his head*

It was just insane. It took several months of acting like a Gestapo nutball before I reached the point of personal burnout and just wanted to go back to being a simple host. I stopped wearing the security tag entirely. I just wore the Host tag. But my days at the club were drawing to a close. Because now the hypocrisy of the whole enterprise got to me. We were ordered to eject anyone who used certain words in open chat, yet the lyrics of the songs were far far worse.

And it was not that I disapproved of the lyrics. Those who know Marco know he is certainly no prude, far from it. What I objected to was that we would play songs with lyrics like "You fucking me makes me bilingual," or "I eagerly wait for you to shoot your creamy load down my throat." YES, THOSE WERE ACTUAL LYRICS of songs we played regularly....and yet I was expected to eject and ban people for using the word "fuck" in open chat. Insanity, Gestapo insanity!

The mark of death for any successful dance club in SL is to grant the "Security" tag to its personnel. Being a Host or Hostess with security powers is ok. But once people are given that tag....uh oh...the Gestapo have arrived.

You will be dancing, having a great time, whooping and hollering, shouting into the air, kicking up your heels, making sexy passes at all the sexy gals...or boys if that is your inclination....the music is pounding, the DJ and the Hostesses are screeching... "PARTY PARTY PARTY! TP YOUR FRIENDS HERE, LET'S FILL THIS PLACE UP, WOOT! WOOT!" Gyrating bodies EVERYWHERE, the place is packed to the rafters with a throbbing mass of pulsating avies, and then............

............THEN you notice them....the soulless Gestapo Security, silently watching from the shadows. Your heart clutches with fear as you see them staring at you--like sharks--giving you the distinct feeling that you are their prey and they are about to pounce on you and rend your flesh from your avie. Not moving a muscle, not blinking...their dead eyes stare at you. Watching. Waiting. Their fingers on the eject button; the barrel pointed at YOU! The smell of fear spreads through the room....

"TO MUCH SPAM, STOP IT NOW!"
The dancers freeze in fear, then they start to scatter.....

"YOU MEN HEF YOUR ORDERS! ROUND THEM UP! GO!" *he screams at them*

It is a full panic now, the dancers run screaming in every direction, hiding, crouching in fear behind the sl furniture.

The Gestapo Security rush through the crowd, targeting the dancers, pushing their eject buttons! Banning those who "dare" to question them:

"What have we done? Where are you sending us? Why are you doing this? I have done nothing! Please, Mr. SL Gestapo man, please! " the terrified dancers screech as they are dragged from their zones of comfort by their hair and kicked from the dance club, banished and seen no more.

In minutes the slaughter is over, the deed is done. The dancers have been banned...their wails fading into the night.....gone...."peace" of a sort has returned to the club....but the dancers? Ahhh the dancers dance no more...at least.....not here.

*now he turns and screams to the other shocked club attendees as they "dance" in total silence*

"YOU VILL OBEY US! VE HEF VAYS!"

"Tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp, tramp," the Gestapo Security moves off. Their mission is finished, they are done...for now, but they will be back--soon--to eject and ban yet even more avies.....

"Another successful night just doing my job" *he says as he loudly cracks his knuckles"

And you wonder if maybe, just maybe could this be one reason why 99% of clubs fail in sl?

--Marco
~~~
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"Wow, you gotta read the crazy shit this guy writes, it is so damn funny!"
Read all about it today in Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/

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