How to Flirt in Second Life #3: Standard Flirtation Questions--How OLD are you?

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA

"HOAY?" Shudder. FIVE little words. "How old Are YOU?" FIVE little words that strike terror into the hearts of men everywhere on Second Life, and not a few women either. For though we all may appear to be in our early twenties on Second Life, the truth is that many of us have not seen the numerals 2 and 0, or even 2 and 9, together, in a looooooooooooong time.

If truth be known, many of those hot studs and sweet-young-thangs you see wildly gryrating on the dance floor...doing the "Boogie Woogie" or the "Too Much Fun" or the "Carmel" are really soooo old they can't stand up without the help of their friendly nursing-home staff.

They might gyrate their pelvic regions so fiercely in Second Life that you expect their hip bones to fly off into outer space at any moment, but in reality they can't get out of their wheelchairs for fear of falling and breaking those very same "sexy hips".

Myself? Well let's just say I am a "dashing older gent with a touch of gray." (55). At one time I actually had written in my profile that I was a sexy older man of 108....and further asked the reader if she wouldn't mind pushing my wheel chair for me. This always evoked laughter, and made it much easier to tell her my real age, 55 which is of course considerably lower.

These days I evade the question all together by answering: "I'm a vampire, I have centuries under my belt." And it true, I AM a vampire. I DO have centuries. In fact, I am fond of pointing out that I was in America sucking indian blood before the white man arrived. Who cares if I was 55 when my blood was first drained?

But the "How Old Are You" question is the second official Flirting question. When it is asked of you in sl, know that you are being sized up as a potential gf/bf. The problem is that until you know the age of the asker, you never know what their reaction is going to be....

When they hear my age, FIFTY FIVE, many women say "How do you feel about going out with a woman of 35?" Are you nutz? 35? What do YOU think? This Ollld geezer would feel like he fell out of his wheelchair into the honeypot, to be going out with a 35-year old in RL.

But of course that is never going to happen. It is one of those nice fantasies that gals and guys have. The gal, because she is picturing a nice, rich guy sitting home all alone--lonely--washing his thousand-dollar bills and hanging them out to dry, wishing he had some nice young honey-pie to blow them on. In reality, most guys my age, 55 are divorced, with 3 ex-wives and 20 kids to support. No-way-in-hell can he afford to start "proceedings" with a potential new "ex-wife." And the cute honey-pot of 35? She may SAY "Age is just a number," until she catches a close-up look of my pruney face, and then it is "Hasta La Vista, Baby." Speed limits on the road are ALSO "just a number," but nobody really wants to go 120.

This question of age is really strange if you think about it. Strange because there is a 99.99% chance that you are NEVER going to meet in RL. Who cares how old you are? Why spoil the fantasy? Unless of course you are a 12 year-old-male posing behind the monitor. No woman wants to be going out with a male who has not even hit his pube years yet. But in reality, he is probably 88, so don't worry.

In my many months on Second Life, I have found that MOST of the women I have met are in their mid 30's....with a sprinkling of a few twenty-somethings, and a few sixty-somethings. Yes older women. But mmmmm aren't older women always sexy? That is what I have always heard. I sure hope so cause....well...'nuff said.

But I can tell you when a gal asks me that question, my blood "runs cold." I actually feel a freezing sensation come over my body, the goose-flesh pops up across my shoulders and arms, I catch my breath, and a shudder of dread passes through me. No joke, because at FIFTY FIVE I have encountered some very rude replies.

The rudest reply of all came, some-time back, when I was dancing up on one of these short stone pillars you see at dance clubs, the type that are about waist high. This cute young thang jumped up in front of me, danced a minute and then "accidently" shoved her rear end so far into my crotch that her butt came out my mouth. Annnnd we were talking and getting friendly...how much more friendly than this is hard to imagine without a marriage proposal.

THEN came her dreaded question "HOAY?" For a moment I paused, my heart beating 20 million times a minute...dare I tell her? I was afraid of rejection, but then I decided to go ahead and tell her, 'cause "I think she kinda likes me"...ya think? So I told her, FIFTY FIVE, and waited for a reaction. I did not have to wait long....maybe 1 billionth of a second later she hopped down off the pillar and said, "Sorry, I'm only 20 and I don't want to go out with an OLD MAN" Ouch! Geeeez girl you sure know who to hurt a guy.

And really, for what purpose? The girl lived in Romania somewhere and I'm in the USA. Frankly what are the chances of us ever meeting? Unless she was really just looking for a green-card to the USA. Whatever. Well honey-bunch you can kiss your little green-card goodbye from this FIFTY FIVE year old lonely guy cause I immediately took you off my friends list. Now if you will excuse me, I am done washing my thousand-dollar greenbacks and I need to go hang them out to dry. I sure wish I had a honey-pie to spend them on......

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Comment section:

So, I am wondering ladies...how do you feel about age? Is it "just a number?"

Would you date an older man? Why or why not?

Do you prefer to date men your own age? Why? or Why not?

And more importantly of course...would you date ME in rl? Why or why not?

Haha, you don't have to answer that last one, but I would love it if you commented on some of the others. Thanks!

--Marco

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Sayyyy, if you liked this posting today, would you tell a friend or two? Just copy/paste the paragraph below to a friend. Thank you so much!...

"Wow, you gotta read the crazy, funny stuff this guy writes!"
Read all about it today in Marco's SL Humor Blog at: http://marcosslhumorblog.blogspot.com/

P.S. I sure would appreciate it if you would take a moment and fill in the 4 polls...waaaaaaaayyyyyy down at the bottom of this page. They are very brief. Just scrolll aaaaalll the way down. Thanks!