Second Life's Top Sport: Heyyy battah battah battah!--How To Flirt in Second Life #5

by Marcophoto Upshaw
AKA: Mark E. Lodge, USA

{Editor Marco's Note: Dear Readers: I am hard at work building a new commercial website for my funny articles. Like this site, it will also be free. It will have not only my Second Life humor, but funny articles about a variety of topics. It should be ready in 30 to 60 days. Meanwhile, I am reposting some of my older articles.}
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I'm one of those rare guys that really is not into sports. Football is ok, if the hometown team is winning. Hockey...watching the fights and brawls can be fun. Nascar? Groaaaaan, But there IS one sport I truly am nuts about: "Hey, battah, battah, battah...Hey battah, battah, battah,....Batter Up!"

Am I speaking of America's favorite, sport, Baseball? Close, but "no cigar." Nope, I'm speaking about Flirting in Second Life. I luuuuuurrrrrve to flirt. And today I am going to instruct you on how to "bat one out of the park."

Previously, you may recall I spoke of "First Base Flirting." Ahhh the light begins to dawn. Interesting, isn't it how we often refer to the art of making out as "Getting to first base, second base, third base, and a HOME RUN!!??!!" All are baseball terms.

Actually this interest in the "sport" of "scoring a run" starts verrrrry early, whether we care to admit it or not. Most of us remember the childhood jingle.

"Marco and Janey, sit-tin-in-na tree! K*I*S*S*I*N*G!

First comes love, then comes marriage,

then comes baby in-na ba-by carriage!


Ahhhhh Janey, my first flirt...I remember her well...mmmmmmmmmmm. But we were only, what, 5 years old? I bet she looks a LOT better now, though I kinda doubt she would sit in a tree, kissing me...she would have to be about age 54 now? THAT would be quite a sight, the two of us old geezers "sit-tin-in-na tree! K*I*S*S*I*N*G!"

So First Base Flirting is the art of making a gal laugh. Once you get her to laugh you are ON FIRST BASE! And of course she must be laughing WITH you and not AT you. Needless to say, marching up to her, staring at her chest and saying, "Nice tits, wanna fuck?" will NOT give you any chance whatsoever of getting her to laugh WITH you. More likely she will slap you or call for security. STEEERRRIIIIKE OUT!

But of course, loooong before you even start your run for first, there are some other requirements. Before I get into that, I must warn you that these affairs of the heart can be a bit confusing. Like Duh? Right? Lol, I am just warning you because at this point my baseball analogy is going to take a flipflop. Because before you can start your run for first base, FIRST you have to pitch the ball to HER. That's right in this game you are both the pitcher AND the runner. I know, it does not make any sense. But neither does love. Get used to it.

So for today's installment on flirting, I am going to instruct you on the fine art of making the pitch. Not necessarily a fast pitch, mind you! The object is NOT to strike her out, but to lob the ball low and slow, so that she can knock it out of the ballpark. Keep in mind the farther she smacks your pitch, the more bases you can "run", i.e. the "further you will get."

So here is how I do it. When I am on a dance floor, I "pitch a ball low and slow" by making a statement of some sort to my intended. And how do I come up with an appropriate statement? Ahhhh grasshopper, remember you are in sl land now. The answer is right in front of your nose, in the form of her profile, or her group tag, or a flip title....or even something she said in open chat.

Rule #1 is ALWAYS READ HER PROFILE!!!!!! First thing, before you open your trap, ALWAYS READ HER PROFILE!!!!. Often you can find a world of useful information about the gal you want to pitch to right there...such as:

"Oh, she's already partnered." Scratch her fellas. Yeah, sometimes you can get to first base with those, but do you really want an angry husband taking pictures of the two of you in bed and sending them to all her friends? It happened to me once, and after that I completely stopped dating partnered women (well mostly *wink).

"Oh, she's bi-sexual or a lesbian." Scratch her fellas. Yeah, supposedly if they are bi you DO have a chance, but really, if she says she "prefers women" then you don't have a chance. Most likely she already has one dick in her harem, and twenty women. Move on.

Look for some statement in her pro that you can turn into an opening pitch. For one thing, she will be pleased as punch to see that you took the time to read her profile. Remember, that while YOU may have taken all of 5 minutes to throw something into your profile, we are speaking of a FEMALE now. And females are somewhat known for taking 5 hours to get dressed for a date now aren't they? So do you suppose she threw her profile together in 5 minutes? Nooooooooo, maybe in 5 hours, or 5 days. So if you base your opening pitch on something she said in her profile, believe me, you are paying her a high compliment and she will love you forever.

So how do I construct an opening "pitch?" Simply put, I look for some statement in her profile that I can restate back to her in a provocative manner. Sometimes the statement will be in her group tag, or her "flip title" or even in her local chat. But always, I look for a statement that I can feed back to her in a provocative way. For example: (Pssst: all names have been changed to protect the guilty:)

MsShiGurl was wearing a Group Tag that said, "Seduce me....."

He winds up, annnnd here is Marco's opening pitch.....!

3:19] Marco: I'd love to.

She responds:

3:19] MsShiGurl: what ?
3:20] Marco: seduce you.
3:20] MsShiGurl: ohhhh hahahah that's really kind of you

WOO HOOO,....MARCO MADE THE PITCH....LOW AND SLOW, AND SHE SLAMMED IT OUT OF THE PARK, yes she laughed WITH Marco, he made it to
first base, and the game continued.....

3:20] Marco: lol
3:23] Marco: no "kindness" involved
3:35] MsShiGurl: lol my god you go straight to the point
3:36] Marco: lol
3:36] Marco: your tag...very provocative.
3:37] MsShiGurl: ohhh just my tag
3:37] Marco: just? you are too modest.
3:37] MsShiGurl: really ?
3:39] Marco: but of course...
3:40] MsShiGurl: awwww
3:40] MsShiGurl: SEDUCE ME PLEASE
3:40] Marco: lol
3:41] MsShiGurl: ^^
3:41] MsShiGurl: shy ?
3:42] Marco: haha

I won't comment on the final outcome of that particular game, let's just say that in the course of the conversation that followed she asked to marry her three times, and the "game" continued on into the night.

Here is another example of an "Opening Pitch" based on the gal's profile:

MizDreamy's profile warned the reader that she could be "sexy, naughty, bitchy"

Sooo here was Marco's opening pitch.....

3:29] Marco: so which is it...sexy, naughty, bitchy...or all three?

Her response...

3:30] MizDreamy: hmm haha find it out for yourself ?

WOOT! WOOT! SHE LAUGHED! MARCO RACES FOR FIRST BASE!

3:30] Marco: I KNOW the first applies.
3:31] MizDreamy: well ty :) lol
3:32] MizDreamy: brb phone :)
3:32] Marco: np
3:35] MizDreamy: back
3:35] Marco: you certainly are.
3:35] MizDreamy: hehe

HE SLIDDDDDDEEEES INTO FIRST! MADE IT!

Here is another example of an opening pitch fashioned from a profile. In this one,
CutiePetutie referred to herself in her profile as being a "cheeky brat." So naturally,
my opening pitch to her was:

3:34] Marco: "cheeky brat eh" are you speaking of you, or me?

And she responded:

3:35] CutiePetutie: lol
3:35] CutiePetutie: about me of course

HE DOES IT AGAIN! HE DOES IT AGAIN! WOOOOHOOOOOOO HE TEARS OFF TO FIRST BASE!

3:36] Marco: hmmm could be me.
3:36] CutiePetutie: lol u a cheeky brat too?
3:36] Marco: most definitely.
3:37] CutiePetutie: yay for that :p
3:38] Marco: lol

The next one is a bit different, here Ms. JuicySandwich made some derogatory remarks in her profile. Still, I managed to turn them around and use them to make a low and slow pitch to her, by merely QUOTING her own statements back to her:

19:12] Marco: "Dont be shy if you have any questions please IM me just dont be a dumbass." ??
19:12] Marco: lol

She responds with a question:

19:13] JuicySandwich: lolz
19:13] JuicySandwich: do you have any questions dumbass?

I counter:

19:13] Marco: I'd be a dumbass if I did.

Her response?

19:13] JuicySandwich: ;)
19:13] JuicySandwich: wow
19:13] JuicySandwich: someone smart
19:13] JuicySandwich: about time
19:14] JuicySandwich: lol

SLAM! She cracks it out of the park & Marco speeds to first......Made it!

Here is an example of an opening pitch constructed from statements I overheard NicelySaid making in open chat at a dance club. She was several meters away from me, and talking with some guy about the trouble with trying to communicate with people who spoke different languages.

So, my "opening pitch" was:

19:49] Marco: then let us speak just the common language of love.
19:50] NicelySaid: lol
19:50] NicelySaid: funny
19:50] Marco: lol. who is joking?
19:50] NicelySaid: You must be
19:50] NicelySaid: So what language of love are we speaking of?
19:50] NicelySaid: Every person has a favorite!
19:50] Marco: lol
19:51] Marco: I speak the language of flirtation.

Her response?

19:51] NicelySaid: I already like ya

WOOT WOOT WOOT WOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!!!

19:51] NicelySaid: lol
19:51] NicelySaid: I am VERY FLUENT in that
19:51] NicelySaid: I teach the class at the local Y
19:52] Marco: me too...in fact, I am President of my local Flirters Union hall #59876
19:52] NicelySaid: oH DAMN
19:52] Marco: We are a "branch" of the International Brotherhood of "Wood Workers."
19:52] NicelySaid: Do you have like a secret service?
19:52] NicelySaid: LMAO
19:52] NicelySaid: OMG
19:53] NicelySaid: I am only a lowly academic on flirtation
19:53] Marco: Yes, My Service is very Secret...."Undercover" you might say.
19:53] NicelySaid bows to the president
19:53] Marco: lol
19:53] Marco: no bowing.
19:53] NicelySaid: Ok
19:54] NicelySaid curtsies
19:55] Marco: lol
19:55] Marco: a curtsie,...second one recently.
19:55] NicelySaid: You must be good
19:56] Marco: I would be a cad if I said, "So I've heard." So I won't say that.
19:57] NicelySaid: lol

MARCO ROUNDS FIRST BASE AND HEADS FULL STEAM FOR SECOND!

20:01] NicelySaid: So you have a blog.. cool
20:03] NicelySaid: Maybe I will subscribe... I could use some laughs
20:04] Marco: be glad to have you.
20:04] NicelySaid: have me?
20:04] NicelySaid: perv
20:04] NicelySaid: lol
20:04] Marco: that too.
20:05] Marco: I have a lot of fun with the blog....
20:05] NicelySaid: I would love to join
20:05] Marco: I'd love to have you....lol
20:05] NicelySaid: I am always looking for interesting things
20:05] NicelySaid: lol
20:05] NicelySaid: Now you are being redundant
20:05] Marco: would you like to see a sample?
20:05] NicelySaid: JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I LIKED YOU
20:05] NicelySaid: lol
20:05] NicelySaid: Sample?
20:06] NicelySaid: Sure
20:06] Marco: of the blog.
20:06] Marco: sheesh.
20:06] NicelySaid: lmao
20:06] NicelySaid: Sure
20:06] NicelySaid: I am always up for a sample
20:07] Marco: :)

MARCO ROUNDS SECOND BASE AND HEADS FOR THIRD, CAN HE MAKE IT?

20:07] NicelySaid: So you are into vampirism
20:09] Marco: now and then. good clean fun.
20:10] NicelySaid: Good bloody fun
20:10] NicelySaid raises eyebrow and laughs
20:11] Marco: there ya go.
20:12] NicelySaid: OK so I LOVE YOU

HE ROUNDS THIRD AND HEADS FOR HOME PLATE, IS IT POSSIBLE?

20:12] NicelySaid: lol
20:12] NicelySaid: not in love.. but love your writing
20:12] NicelySaid: I like writing too... You are Fucking hilarious
20:13] Marco: haha thank you!

CAN HE MAKE IT TO HOME PLATE, CAN HE? CAN HE? ..........SAFFFFFFFE!!!!"

WOOT!! WOOT! WOOO!!!!!!

So do you see grasshopper? Use your brain a little, and you will find that you can get soooo much farther with the ladies if you say something witty to them. It works sooooo much better than saying, "Sorry, I didn't hear you cause I was staring at your breasts."

Trust me on this.

--Marco
Marcophoto Upshaw
President of
The Flirters Union Local #59876
A "Branch" of the International Brotherhood of "Wood" Workers
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Did you like this post about "living" in Second Life? If you did, would you take a minute and leave a comment for me below? Your kind words keep me inspired! Thank you! --Marco

P.S. This week there are two new surveys: a SECOND-LIFE-BUSINESS-SURVEY and a RECESSION-AND-EXTRA-INCOME-SURVEY. Would you take a moment and fill them out? Just scroll aaaaaaaaaalllllll the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down to the very bottom of this page. Thanks!

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